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In My Feelings

Something has snapped inside me. It’s like I’m not afraid anymore, but angry. It’s like I have a firestone piercing my heart. It’s like I’m finally ready. When people reject and shut you out so many times you reach a breaking point. I’m okay with silence and I’m okay with talking. But I’m not worried anymore about what to choose or who I am. I’m focused and sure this time of what I’m doing. People lose a lot in life. People lose people. People lose children. People lose libido. People lose money. People lose their minds. It’s only when you lose something you gain something back. I’ve lost a lot but I’ve never lost something for nothing. So when I think of my past I’m sure of my future. With all that loss behind me I know I have everything to gain. It’s not a fresh start I’m after. It’s not power. It’s not revenge. Because it’s not even a fresh start. It’s just the start. The start of something where fear doesn’t exist. The start of truth. And yeah I be in my feelings.

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When We

When

We

Started toward something

Strong

I wondered if I would

Get it all wrong

So I didn’t write

That song

And I carried on

And

When we

Stopped

I found

Somethin

In my soul

I didn’t like

So I fought

And changed it

So thanks

For when we

Said

Goodbye

And when we

Almost made it

I’m thankful

You’re not feeling

Jaded

Since I never

Waited

For us to make it

– Kelsey With Some Jo

❤️

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I’m in

I’m in one of those writing zones where I feel like pouring my heart out to someone. I used to write it down in a notebook or on a piece of paper, but then I realized it created a whole collection of “added stuff” to wherever I might go…So, I am writing to you a story about a girl named Sis.

Sis loved Jesus.

She couldn’t give up on something so perfect, because perfection made Sis awe struck.

She loved the idea of a perfect world.

Perfect people.

Of course she knew her idea couldn’t be shared on a earth with people like her, who also had their idea of a perfect world.

That’s why she loved Jesus, because His world made everyone’s world perfect.

Sis decided one day to stop her ideas and follow Jesus.

She sacrificed a lot

but she knew it was nothing compared to what He had sacrificed.

Sis found a place to go where people loved Jesus as much as she did.

Then one day Sis stopped and she fell in love.

She tragically loved fiercely at a distance.

Her love kept her heart pure.

Then there was a disappearance and she had fallen in love with what disappeared.

She stopped loving God the same.

She thought if she’d ever see him again…

Until now,

God didn’t stop loving Sis.

She forgot,

until now.

So she kept her heart

for God

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It’s Time

Guess

it’s time

To wake up

From our slumber.

This world is

Getting older.

The people

You and me

Need Jesus

To set us free.

This world is

Getting mean.

Ring the alarm

Guess

it’s time

Don’t hit the snooze

And sleep.

Wake up

Fall

To your knees.

Reality

Sets us free.

Reality,

The name of Jesus

His blood

Dripping from

The tree

A love unknown

Sin dethroned

He sets

The captive free.

👑

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Goodbye Crazy

Goodbye

my second love

the pain

you hummed

while you

beat your drum

to a word that’s

numb.

Goodbye

my second love

the chord

you struck

inside my heart

to turn me to

my pleasure.

Goodbye

my second love

the hate

you sprung

while you sung

your song

about

illusions.

Goodbye

my second love

the way you

mocked

my present day

with a rhythm

that made me

Crazy.

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Bottle of Honey

People love to talk about other people

and it’s either crude or annoying.

There’s more to talk about than

her and they and that politician.

It’s better for open conversation

like a gift exchange

and I get that intimacy with

unfamiliar acquaintances—

the ones you would never expect…

Yet, even they are unreliable

and selfish.

But we talk about ideas, insights,

or we share new gestures—

new moments to play back

for later.

I get it mostly from men—

admittedly,

to the people who talk about people

I’m a poor girl looking to become

or needing to look to become

something married.

But I did it.

So the guys now are like a

bottle of empty honey

and it’s probably time

I throw it away.

Instead I scrape at the sides

and leave it upside down,

let it drip slowly to the lid.

The sweetest honey

is at the bottom of a empty bottle.

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From the Eyes of a Misfit Girl

I saw the world

From the eyes of a misfit girl

Full of limitations, disappointments, fear

 

But then, my eyes were widened

To a pop

And the world spilled out some truth

 

So, I took notice

And I saw the world

And how it measured

 

Truth is:

It wasn’t fitting

It was missing

It was lost

And gone forever

 

When I saw this

 

I lost the

Girl

I lost the girl

And the world

From the eyes of a misfit girl

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The Tide

The sound of the rain

Falls like the sound

Of my heart

 

A river falling

To a tidy sea

Sounds like rain

 

Love taken all of me

My heart lies to me

She can’t trust the rain

 

When the tide rises

The river is silent and gone

She’s swallowed up

 

Love come sharp to

A soft beating heart

A river flowing from tide to sea

 

It sounds like rain

When the tide comes in

To carry the river free

 

My heart and soul

Cry sounds of rain

The tide has come to go

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Translation: Lost in Budapest

6/12/18

She passed me her iPhone 5

And I typed into the translator,

“Why is rural Hungary dangerous?”

She nodded her head.

“Gyilkosság,” she typed back.

I read the English translation aloud,

“Murder.”

“Yes.” She confirmed

As she traced a straight line

Across her neck

Indicating decapitation or

Death.

Guess what

I rolled down my window and I didn’t ask for permission.

If life was just about permission, how would we survive? How would we create?

Creativity doesn’t have to be a permissible mystery.

I believe everyone was born to create.